A few words of wisdom from my little cousin Nick:

“I HATE bananas because they’re made by monkeys.” 

*Get a tan

So as part of my June To-Do’s I’ supposed to get a tan.  It was a beautiful warm May day so I decided to get a head start.  Well, I thought something bad would happen, while doing it, along the lines of sunburn or raccoon eyes, or maybe even a nosy neighbor.  NOPE.  Things were great.  I had my juice, cushy grass under a soft towel, my laptop, music, sunglasses, privacy.  Things were great.  And then something hits me.  Literally.  I’ve covered my eyes, so I can’t see what it was, but I knew it wasn’t a leaf…hmmm.  I pull off the eye-protectors and there’s these black spots on my arm!!  Ewwww, and they’re surrounded by white gook!!! That’s right ladies an gentlemen, bird poop.

I’m looking really forward to completing the rest of this month’s chores!

How to Be Awkward- Taken from Life Experiences

1.  When in an elevator, instead of turning around-face everyone, and be sure to make shifty eye-contact with everyone in the elevator.

2.  Upon introduction, tell the person that you had a bunny with their same name – and it died.

3.   After a break-up, be sure to run into your ex at least four times a day.

4.  During any conversation ask the other person if you’re making this awkward for them.

5.  Ask any woman how far along she is.

6.  Laugh hysterically at something that wasn’t meant to be funny.

7.  Speak with a fake lisp upon introduction…to someone with a lisp.

8.  When walking towards another person coming from the opposite direction,  be sure to awkwardly be in their way.

9.  Say “Drama!” as a response to everything, even when it’s not necessary.