I sit in my matching pajamas, staring at my computer screen, it’s 2:30, on the dot. This is the 12th night in a row that I can’t sleep. My mind is racing. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. One being that I will never marry or have a real relationship. The problem is, I’m 4, 80, and 18 at the same time. I am an 80 year-old soul trapped in an 18 year-old’s body, and I possess character traits of a 4 year old. I don’t relate to my 18 year-old-self at all. So that eliminates a whole bunch of candidates. My friend Mary actually suggested that I start dating older men. By older she means could-be-my-grandfather. We could go dancing, not like today’s dancing, but more like swing, and sit on benches and feed the birds. Or, I could start dating younger men. They’re cute and sweet and like to play things like hide-and-seek and ride the merry-go-round and would hold my hand when we crossed the street. But, being the legal age that I am, that’s looked down at…so I’m gonna be a nun. That’s basically my only other option. Nunhood ain’t so bad. Maria did it, and she got to sing in the hills all day- what more could a girl ask for? Sister Mary Clarence did it in Sister Act, and she had a lot of fun, I mean, come on, who doesn’t like Sister Act? And, I’m a winter, so black and white is very flattering to my complexion.
